i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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