i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
