No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
