Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
