Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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