So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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