i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
