Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
