i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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