dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Couch. On fire.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
