I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I booty called her while she was in labor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
