i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
