Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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