She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
