just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
