when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
