We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i need some magic done to my vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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