shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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