I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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