Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
