She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.