he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil