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So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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