if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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