If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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