my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
