the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
