take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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