Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
