we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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