I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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