So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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