I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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