sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
