his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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