I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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