I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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