My underwear smells like fireworks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
nutella sex= disaster
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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