I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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