he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
