I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your tits are I can't wait for
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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