peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
