What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
