does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let's paint friendship bongs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
