Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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