Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
