thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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