I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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