he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she peed on how many people?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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