we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
