If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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