ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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