white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?