Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass

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  (858): When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass http://tfl.nu/zzr1
  Replies (19) Good night (3339) Bad night (849)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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  (843): At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts. http://tfl.nu/humd
  Replies (31) Good night (2404) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5525) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

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  (810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl
  Replies (14) Good night (3979) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5785) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus

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  (315): its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus http://tfl.nu/cdww
  Replies (12) Good night (3985) Bad night (1556)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.

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  (516): you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito. http://tfl.nu/qluq
  Replies (8) Good night (3330) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.

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  (914): You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street. http://tfl.nu/q2es
  Replies (3) Good night (2929) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.

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  (714): You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus. http://tfl.nu/3jtv
  Replies (2) Good night (1611) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up

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  (+44): Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up http://tfl.nu/86tf
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care

  (315): View more from New York

  I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.

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  (607): Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care (315): I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt. http://tfl.nu/8ucq
  Replies (4) Good night (1275) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me

  (626): View more from California

  And a merry methadone to all

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  (909): It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me (626): And a merry methadone to all http://tfl.nu/a55x
  Replies (2) Good night (1127) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Jasmine is diving into bushes again.

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  (501): Jasmine is diving into bushes again. http://tfl.nu/j6ks
  Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"

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  (802): I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass" http://tfl.nu/qu0i
  Replies (5) Good night (327) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning

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  (226): I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning http://tfl.nu/d86s
  Replies (0) Good night (350) Bad night (199)

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