my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing