i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later