I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms