Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
