Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
