How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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