Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
