This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
