So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Boobs are out for the taking
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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