So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
