Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think your dad took our porno
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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