I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
