im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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