It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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