she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
