my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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