I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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