Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
