Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
