Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
