Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
