I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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