wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
