I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
