I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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