I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
