I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
