Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
