Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
