Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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