I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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