Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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