Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
