The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
