Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
