Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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