He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
