Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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