your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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