Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
