My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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